• About Resilience

  • Resilience is the capacity to bounce back from adversity. Optimism can go a long way to help. But don’t you wonder why some people are more optimistic, and can handle whatever comes? And can it be learnt?

    One of the first things we have to do is discover what unrealistic ideas we have about our own patterns of actions and expectations.

    Have a look at this picture below. It is a mock up, but it shows the profile of a real person who took a test to see how realistic she is in her attitudes and expectations, and therefore, in her relationships and interactions. The green bar indicates what would be a healthy level of realism and resilience in the areas tested. You can see that the person has some ups and downs, but on the whole, is rather UN-realistic and UN-resilient in most areas of her emotional life. What about the top score achieved in area 3? Oddly, an extreme score at either end might rather suggest that the person is covering over some quite deep issues.

  • And what are the seven areas that were checked for? Here they are – not in the order of the table
    Perfectionism ; Entitlement; Approval; Responsibility for Others; Love; Achievement Others’ Responsibilty for you

    Which ones do you think our person scored high or low? Oh, you want to know what they mean first?

    Well, read on :)

  • A perfectionist  feels he should do everything perfectly. Therefore he criticises himself and others frequently and comes across as though he is judgmental. Really he judges himself most.

    Someone who feels “entitled” tends to suppose that he knows what justice and fair play are all about. He doesn’t notice that his own views are the benchmark by which he makes the call, and therefore tends to feel there is something wrong with the world. He feels angry that people who have the power won't use it the right way.

    Someone who feels that approval comes from others might be the person at the social function who does the dishes, or the one who always offers to do the driving.. But whatever they do to get approval, what they don’t have is self-reliance, self-validation, and the capacity to handle the diversity of others and their opinions. At heart, they feel just not good enough and fear that others will feel the same way about them.

    If a person feels responsible for others (not the same as actual responsibility, eg of a parent or a school teacher), they are getting their emotional comfort from the sense of being needed and liked. So the person is quite likely to be unassertive in saying how they feel or what they would like, because their way of operating is to make sure everyone else feels ok, and they feel anxious about their own self is someone is upset or annoyed. That might have come from having demanding parents, who, for instance, might have told the child it was his fault if mum or dad was angry.

    Achievement is often a hidden stress - underneath defensiveness, there may be a feeling that they are somehow less important or less worthwhile than others who have achieved what society values.

    When someone is in a bad mood and so snaps at everyone else, you might suppose that they feel that the others are responsible for them. Or that in a relationship, the other person ought to make them happy – instead of  each just being happy. Often this starts when parents scold the child for "making mummy angry"" - but then it gets turned on others. So if the person comes home feeling out of sorts, it is quite ok to lash out at someone in the household.

  • So can we learn to be resilient and realistic?  Yes! And so then self-validation and optimism are viable.  And Mindfulness is also viable, because being “in the present moment” is not much use if you are holding a lot of baggage that you don’t even know about.

  • Starts: Thursday 8th February 2018
    Length: 60 minutes
    Time: Thursdays at 10.00 am or 6:30 pm
    Teacher: Mataji
    Location: 6A Main St Blackburn

  • TESTIMONIALS

     Amie, Social Worker

    This course allowed me to begin to see my “rocks under the blanket”, those hidden mental processes that hinder my flexibility or resilience. The realism profile developed by Mataji allowed me to delve deep into long established mental process that I was previously unaware of.  This course is rare opportunity to experience a parallel process; with Mataji who shares her own life experience of doing this self-reflection and exploration work.

    I found the course challenging, but the spaciousness that came from becoming aware and letting go out ways the difficulties.

     Highly, highly recommend! I have had years practising psychological counselling which didn’t get me as far as 6 weeks with this resilience course!

    Thank you Mataji

     

    Alison, Library Assistant

    This course allowed me to begin to see my “rocks under the blanket”, those hidden mental processes that hinder my flexibility or resilience. The realism profile developed by Mataji allowed me to delve deep into long established mental process that I was previously unaware of.  This course is rare opportunity to experience a parallel process; with Mataji who shares her own life experience of doing this self-reflection and exploration work.

    I found the course challenging, but the spaciousness that came from becoming aware and letting go outweighs the difficulties.

    Thank you very much, Mataji